The Art of Love

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The Art of Love

Post by summer777 on Sun Mar 09, 2008 4:45 am

Authors Note: This is my first story ever, so I am really nervous. This is just the prolouge to this story, cause I don't know what I'm gonna do with it yet. I just want to give this a shot, so PLEASE can I get some constructive critism cause god knows I need it.
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I enjoy painting. Well, not just enjoy, I live it. It is my job, my fun, my holiday, my life. It is the only thing that keeps me going in a world like this. To create beautiful settings is only the outside of my work. Each painting or sketch or whatever has a story behind it. Like the one of the beach, the umbrella, and a small towel to dry out on is when I spent a summer in South Carolina and saw the sea for the first time in my life. The one that has stars strewn across the black canvas is about when I camped out under the Alabama stars with my mother. The one in the forest is when I went hunting with my father when I was six and I saw a deer, but I couldn't bring myself to kill it.

But the painting that I will share with you is not a setting at all. It is a face. The one with the dark eyes looking out at you from a hurt heart. The brown curls drenched by rain pouring down from the clouded sky. It hurts me to look at that face, but I need to see it no matter how much it hurts. I need to remember him.
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Re: The Art of Love

Post by telana_kiarr on Sun Mar 09, 2008 5:25 am

Wow, Aud. That was really, really good. I'm really surprised. It's hard to give concrit on something this short, so I can't wait until the next chapter! Great job, Aud!
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Re: The Art of Love

Post by Teh Wozzinator on Sun Mar 09, 2008 6:13 am

"Like the one of the beach, the umbrella, and a small towel to dry out
on is when I spent a summer in South Carolina and saw the sea for the
first time in my life."

This sentence is too long. All of your descriptions of the paintings, except for the second paragraph, are a little rough, but I'm not sure how to fix them... I would think on that.

Other than that, this was really good. There really isn't much to crit on something this short... When I saw the title I thought, "Oh man, this is going to be cliche." But it turns out that it was very different than I expected. Very good!

Keep writing!

Jamon

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Re: The Art of Love

Post by bigbadbear on Sun Mar 09, 2008 6:26 am

Summer,

A very good start. I really liked the ending. It made me get all warm inside. Smile The whole first pargraph is really clumsy. I am going to go through and edit the entire thing so that it will be... well... as good as I can get it.

I enjoy painting. Well, not just enjoy, but I live it. It's my job, my fun, my holiday and my life. It's the only thing that keeps me going on in a world like this. To create beautiful settings are only the foundation of my work. Each painting or sketch, or whatever, has a story behind it. Like the one of the beach with the umbrella and a small towel is when I spent a summer in South Carolina and saw the sea for the first time in my life. And the one that has stars strewn across the black canvas is when I camped out under the Alabama stars with my mother. The one in the forest is when I went hunting with my father when I was six and I saw a deer, but I couldn't bring myself to kill it.

There now it's all better. I didn't point out any changes, but there were quite a few. Mostly in the beginning.

Because this is so short, and just the prologue, I can't really give you any other advice. It was a great beginning and a great start.

-Jared

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Re: The Art of Love

Post by summer777 on Sun Mar 09, 2008 8:19 pm

OOOO MYYYY GOOOOSSH!!!!!
sunny I feel soooooo goood!!!!!!! This is my first story in my whole life and so far I feel like I am doing great!!! I feel on top of the World.

Thanks SOOO MUCH for the reviews!! I can't wait until my next chapter comes up, but I will have to. My homework load is getting bigger, so I can't be on here every day.

-summer4ever-
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Re: The Art of Love

Post by Mark on Sun Mar 09, 2008 9:13 pm

OK calm down! Wink

I had the exact same thing happen to me when I posted the first draft of the first part of the chapter of my novel on YWS. I got such great feedback! I have had something like 40 reviews now, lol.

Alright, on to the crit!

There really isn't anything else to say new, I will just go along with what others have said.

Great start, great ending, great piece. I hope you will carry on with this because it so short!

Keep writing!

-Mark

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Re: The Art of Love

Post by worthywoman on Fri Mar 14, 2008 10:08 pm

summer777 wrote:Authors Note: This is my first story ever, so I am really nervous. This is just the prolouge to this story, cause I don't know what I'm gonna do with it yet. I just want to give this a shot, so PLEASE can I get some constructive critism cause god knows I need it.

Hey... you don't have to apologize for being new to writing. You have a creative gift and it will only get better as you use it.

The prologue is excellent in showing that the narrator feels intently. There is room to develop on that intense feeling. You've got a humdinger of a start.

Now comes the fun and hard step in the process... finishing the next part.

You know that I am one to do pages and pages of pre-writing before I start anything. That is how I work best. It may or may not be the way you work.

Since you've started with just pure feeling, keep going -- regardless of where it takes you.

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