Just A Word Part 2 (PG)

by telana_kiarr Sun Mar 09, 2008 2:24 am

“You were my brother, Anakin. I loved you!”

It’s hard to walk away from someone you love like family, like a son. And it’s harder when you know that person made the wrong decision, the worst decision. But it’s hardest to walk away when you know that the decision that they made was because you didn’t listen to them; because you ignored the signs – and, in the end, you failed them.

Failure. That’s the only word that can describe how I’m feeling right now, as I stagger blindly back to the landing platform. I distantly hear Threepio inform me that they “brought Miss Padme on board.” Oh, Padme. I’m so sorry....

All I can do right now is play that scene over and over in my head. Anakin jumped. I swung my lightsaber in an arc. He toppled to the ash and gravel below, three of his limbs falling into the lava river. And he screamed. Oh, how he screamed. I tried to drown it out by yelling some nonsense about how he was the Chosen One and he was to destroy the Sith and bring balance to the Force. But he screamed those three words that ran me through like a lightsaber: “I HATE YOU!”

The words echo in my mind as I realize that I have come to the room where Padme is laying, half awake, half dreaming. I can’t help but notice that she looks more peaceful now than any other time I’ve seen her. How ironic. I lay a hand on her shoulder, more to calm myself than anything else. Her Force-presence has always been soothing to me. After a minute or so, she stirs. She looks at me, almost gratefully, and whispers, “Obi-Wan.” For a split second her face cringes in pain. Then she asks the dreaded question: “Is Anakin alright?”

I cannot answer, and she seems to understand why. “I’m sorry,” she whispers, and I give her a pained smile. I reach to caress her cheek, and she leans into it, then falls back asleep. I can’t help be think about how soft her cheek feels, and how beautiful she is. I know that a Jedi should not be thinking like this. But right now, I don’t want to be a Jedi; I need to be comforted, and as of now Padme is the only available option. And she needs comforting too. We’re perfect for each other under the circumstances.

I head back to the cockpit. I'm alone now, and the weight of it all comes crashing back onto my shoulders. I can feel the tears coming to my eyes when suddenly, the cockpit door opens. “Hello Master Kenobi. Are you ready to take off?” inquires Threepio. I nod as I run my hand over my face and through my hair, a gesture I’d often used when Anakin was being particularly frustrating or stubborn.

A sudden wave of emotion pours over me as fond memories surface in the foreground of my mind. I use the Force to shut it out, but it doesn’t stop the pain. I need a distraction; I decide to contact Master Yoda and Bail Organa. I dial in their frequency and speak to the holoprojector, “Contact. This is Obi-Wan Kenobi. Do you copy?”

“Master Kenobi? Oh, thank goodness! Are you alright?” the voice of the Senator says.

“I’m fine,” I lie. “I’m just leaving the Mustafar system. What are you’re coordinates?”

“I’ve secured a kind of base on the far side of the Polis Maasa system. I’m sending the coordinates to you right now.”

“Thank you, Senator. Please inform Master Yoda that I’ve made contact, and I’ll see you in a bit.” And with that, I cut off the transmission. I take a deep, shaky breath, attempting to steady myself, but failing miserably.

Turning slightly to my right, I take a breath to say, “Threepio, if you don’t mind, now that we have the coordinates, could you take over? If you need me, you can use the comlink.”

“Of course, Master Kenobi! As you know, I have been trained to operate a ship like-”

“Thank you, Threepio,” I interrupt politely, standing to leave the cockpit. I’m heading down the hallway, not quite knowing where I’m going, letting the Force guide me. A few minutes later I find myself at Padme’s door. I let myself in and close the door behind me, my gaze ever on the sleeping angel in front of me. There is a chair right next to the door, so I pick it up, set it beside the bed, and take a seat. I feel so horrible about what has happened to her that the tears finally come rolling out. Silent tears, but tears nevertheless. I look her over and notice that one of her hands has a bluish tinge from being so cold. I she was awake, I would not be so bold. But I take her hand in both of mine. It is ice cold, so I begin to rub it gently, warming up the blood. I look at her face as I do so, and notice that her face is not peaceful as before. She looks sad, and her eyes are fluttering like she’s dreaming.

Slowly, I dip my head to kiss her hand, then I let it go as I lay my head next to her elbow, dozing off for just a little while....

After what seems like a few minutes, but has probably been a couple of hours, my comlink signals and I hear Threepio saying, “Master Kenobi, five minutes to landing.” I groggily open my eyes and take in my surroundings. It only takes me a minute to remember where I am. Then I feel something or someone stroking my hair softly. Somehow Padme’s hand, the one I had held earlier, found its way into my hair during her sleep. Gently, I disentangle it from my head. She has on a look of complete serenity which makes me smile sadly.

I feel the ship descending slowly into the atmosphere, and I wait as patiently as possible for the ship to touchdown. When it does, I quietly pick up Padme, careful not to hurt her abdomen. I rush towards the landing ramp, realizing that she needs medical attention, and soon. As I descend the ramp, Bail is there to greet me. When he sees her, his eyes widen in shock. He recovers quickly, and says in an authorative tone, “We’ll take her to a medical facility. Hurry!”

We reach the med center in record time, and I lay her on the firm white bed. The medical droids shoo me out, and all I can do is wait. Suddenly I hear the “Tap, Tap, Tap,” of a tin gimer stick. “Master Kenobi. Good to see you, it is,” croaks out the voice of Master Yoda. I smile and turn to greet him.

“Hello, Master. It’s good to see you, too.... How did it go with the Emperor?” I ask cautiously. From the look on his face, I can tell it went poorly.

He closes his green eyes and sighs. “Failed, I did. Strong enough, I was not. Killed you, he would have. Hmm...On Mustafar, how did it go?”

This is one question I didn’t want to answer. In a sense, I didn’t fail. I had nearly defeated a Sith Lord, and left him to die. This isn’t failure from the Jedi perspective. But the Jedi way just isn’t good enough for me right now. I look away from Yoda, and my eyes immediately find Padme. She still seems asleep.

“Understand, I do, Obi-Wan. This loss, time, it will take, to accept it. Later, tell me.”

I give Yoda as grateful a smile as I can muster, then turn back to see the medical droid coming to us.

“Medically, she is completely healthy,” it says in a monotone. Oh, thank goodness. She’s alright; she’s going to be fine. Then the droid says something that makes my heart stop: “For reasons we can’t explain, we’re losing her.”

I can’t breathe. ‘We’re losing her.’ Just to make sure I’m not hearing things, I say, “She’s dying?”

The robot nods. “We’ll need to operate quickly if we are to save the babies.”

“Babies?!” asks Bail, voicing the surprise we’re all feeling.

“She’s carrying twins,” the droid says, shrugging.

This is too much for me. I step away from the others, my heart heavy from what I’ve just been told. She can’t die. For the past thirteen years, she’s been there, steady and unchanging, even if I didn’t notice it. She can’t leave now. Not when there are people here who need her.

My thoughts are interrupted by the medical droid assistant. “Miss Amidala has requested that an Obi-Wan Kenobi be present during the procedure,” it says in a monotonous voice, not seeing the huge effect those words have on me. She wants...me...to be there for her? My head is spinning slightly, making it a bit difficult for me to walk into the operating room.

I approach the bed, unsure of what to say. Padme looks up at me. “Oh, Obi-Wan,” she sighs. “Thank you.” I do the only thing that comes to my mind: I grab her hand. Gently she squeezes mine, understanding that I need comforting as much as she does. Suddenly her grip hardens as she screams in agony. I can feel her pain through the Force, and with it, I try to absorb as much of her hurting as possible.

“Hold on, Padme,” I whisper as her pain ebbs away. Please, hold on...for the babies...for me. She smiles at me for a few seconds before another contraction hits. This one is shorter than the first, and as it ends, she catches her breath to tell me something.

“Obi-Wan...I just wanted...to let you know...that I’m glad you’re here...to share this...with me.”

My heart is lifted by those words, even though we are in the most tragic of times. “I’m glad I could be here for you. We both need comforting,” I say, my thumb stroking the back of her hand. Again, she screams, and I jump slightly out of surprise. A minute later, the droid is carrying a baby boy. I take the child from its arms and hold him close to Padme. She reaches out to touch his face, too weak to hold him.

“Oh, Luke...” she gasps, for the next twin is coming. I try to use the Force to help her again, but something, or someone pushes me away. I look down at her in confusion, and she smiles slightly before crying out in distress.

Once she catches her breath, she murmurs to me, “I appreciate your help, Obi-Wan...but I want to do this...myself.”

I should have known. I knew before now that she was somewhat Force sensitive, but I should have seen this coming: she’s always been headstrong, even through the toughest of situations. This event is no different. I respect her even more, but it doesn’t stop me from worrying.

She gives one last cry of anguish, and the other twin has arrived. The droid tells me in a foreign language that the child is female. I turn to Padme and give her the news: "It's a girl."

"Leia."

I can sense her Force presence dwindling. No, Padme. Don't leave! Stay with me. I try to reach out to hold her, but she stays my hand.

"Obi-Wan...stay with the twins. They-...they need you. Train them. Please, promise me. They're the only hope of...saving the Republic."

"Padme! No...they need you, too. And..." I hesitate, but only for a second. "I need you. Here." My voice turns into a begging whisper. "Please, Padme. Don't leave me. I...I need help...I can't go-"

She brings a finger to my lips, and the touch brings a shiver to my spine.

"Obi-Wan, no matter what happens, I promise I'll always be with you," she says, her voice steadier than it's been all night. "And, Obi-Wan, before I die, I want you to know; I love you...You've cared for me when Anakin didn't, and I never knew how much that meant to me...until now. I really...do..." she says, her breath coming in gasps. "...love...you."

Her head falls limp on the pillow.

Failure. I failed...to let her know...that I love her, too. Everything moves in slow motion. All the sound dies away from my ears. All I can see is her face. A thousand light-years away, Luke is taken out of my arms. The ache in my heart is so unbearable, I want to take my lightsaber and plunge it through my chest. I distantly feel a chair being pushed at my knees, and I collapse into it. I can hear someone sobbing. It takes me a few minutes to realize it is me. Tears are pouring down my face. It is all I can do to keep from harming myself.

Slowly and shakily, I reach out to her face and hold it, caress it. I cling to her limp body, embracing it in a way that I have never embraced anyone before. My whole body is shaking from suppressed grief, so I finally let loose a tortured wail. And I cannot stop it. I don't want to stop it. I rock Padme's body back and forth. Tears are like a waterfall on my face. "No!" I whisper. I pull back a bit to look at her face. She's never looked happier. I bring the tears to a stop as best I can, and pull her forehead to mine. "I love you, Padme. And I promise you now, I will let no harm come unto your children. They will be loved. I won't fail you again. I'm sorry it came to this. I love you." And I kiss her cold lips. Slowly, I draw back. I caress her cheek softly as I whisper, "Goodbye...Padme Amidala."

And I leave.

But I know that she will be with me. In my thoughts. In my dreams. In my love for her.

I promise you, Padme, I will never fail you again.